When God Forgives

But I Struggle to Forgive Myself

I’ll be honest—this is one of those things I thought I’d be “past” by now. After all, I know what the Bible says. I’ve asked God for forgiveness more times than I can count. I believe in His grace. I believe in the cross.

But still, sometimes, I struggle to forgive myself.

It’s a quiet battle. Not always visible on the outside, but very loud on the inside. Regret whispers at night. Shame creeps in when I least expect it. And even though I know God has forgiven me, it’s like I keep pulling my old failures back into my heart, as if I’m trying to pay for them a little longer.

I’ve come to learn this: Self-forgiveness is not about doubting God’s mercy—it’s about learning to live in it.

God’s Forgiveness Is Not the Problem—Ours Is

Scripture is crystal clear on God’s heart toward us when we repent. In 1 John 1:9, we’re told:

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Not some sins. Not just the minor ones. All of them.

This isn’t poetic language. It’s a promise.
God isn’t like us—He doesn’t hold grudges. He doesn’t file our failures away in a mental cabinet labeled “To Be Brought Up Later.” When He forgives, it’s total, complete, and finished.

And yet… here I am. Forgiven, but not free. Why?

Because sometimes I don’t struggle to believe in God’s forgiveness—I struggle to believe I deserve to live like I’m forgiven.

The Weight We Weren’t Meant to Carry

When I hold on to shame or keep punishing myself for something God has already covered with grace, I’m essentially saying, “Your sacrifice wasn’t enough, Jesus. Let me carry this one a little longer.”

Read that again and let it sink in. I would never say that out loud. But that’s what it is, isn’t it?

Psalm 51 has become a healing place for my heart lately. David wrote it after he had fallen hard. It’s his honest, gut-wrenching prayer for mercy, and tucked inside is this simple, powerful request:

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
— Psalm 51:10 (NIV)

That’s the prayer I keep returning to. Not just “Lord, forgive me,” but “Lord, cleanse me. Heal what’s broken in me. Make my spirit right again.”

It’s not enough to know we’re forgiven—we have to let God help us feel it.

What Forgiving Myself Has Looked Like (So Far)

This is still a work in progress for me. Some days are easier than others. But here’s what’s helping towards healing:

1. Letting Scripture Be Louder Than My Shame

When old regrets rise up, I don’t argue with them—I answer with truth.

Verses like 1 John 1:9 and Psalm 103:12 aren’t just comforting phrases—they are anchors that hold me steady when shame tries to drift me away.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
— 1 John 1:9 (NIV)

“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”
— Psalm 103:12 (NIV)

Each verse is a promise. A reminder that God doesn’t just forgive—He removes the shame and the weight. So when I hear that terrible voice in my head saying, “You’re not really clean,” I go back to what God says.

Because His voice will always speak louder than the voice of guilt… if I choose to listen.

Feelings don’t get the final say—God’s Word does.

2. Remembering God’s Character

If I’m not gentle with myself, it’s probably because I’m forgetting - He isn’t surprised by my sin. He isn’t disappointed in me for needing grace again.

He is faithful.

3. Surrendering My Self-Judgment

This one’s hard. I like being in control—even of my own guilt. But God has shown me that forgiveness isn’t something to “earn.” It’s something to receive.

When I lay down my pride and stop trying to “punish” myself, I make room for God to do what only He can do—redeem.

From Guilt to Grace, One Step at a Time

If you’re reading this and it resonates—if your heart feels heavy with something you wish you could undo—please hear me:

You are not the only one.

God has already forgiven you. Completely. Lovingly. Faithfully.

Now it’s time to start believing what He says about you.
Let the Psalmist’s prayer become yours:

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

You don’t have to carry that weight anymore. You don’t have to earn what’s already been given.