When God Speaks
God is answering if you are listening
I wasn’t even through the first month of devotionals when I called my sister and said, I don’t think I’m praying right. “What do you mean?" she asked.
The words came out of my mouth like a flood -
I’m not using the right words. I’m not humble enough. I don’t know what to say. I’m not worthy. I’m just doing this wrong.
Her response was short and on point, “You are so overthinking this.”
By the end of that first month, I found myself standing in the office of a woman I work with. She’s wonderful and sends me scripture every morning. Still stuck on the whole I’m not praying right, I started to speak and the tears started rolling down my face.
I’m not praying right. I don’t know how to do this. I can’t hear Him and I just want to hear Him.
She handed me a tissue and said, “You’re doing everything right.”
After that, two things started happening. I started crying all the time and God started talking to me.
When God Speaks
So maybe God didn’t start speaking to me; maybe He has been speaking to me my entire life; maybe now, for the first time in a long time (or even ever) my heart and spirit are open enough to hear Him.
How did that happen?
It begins with the book of devotions I was (am) reading. One day, the devotion I read held the answer to a question and struggle that had been weighing me down. It just seemed to jump right off the page at me. I almost couldn’t believe it was so relevant.
This didn’t happen just that one day. Everyday I started getting answers. It almost felt a bit spooky in the beginning. I questioned over and over how it was possible that each piece of scripture and devotion about it could be giving me my answers? How could this book know specifically what I needed each day?
To be clear, I didn’t say out loud, okay, here is my worry today God, open the book, start reading and boom, answer. It was less assuming and softer, softer and tearful.
As the words came together and the sentences calmed my worry, I started crying. I would go into work and tell my friend about it; yep, I cried again. I would sit at my desk and think about the answer I’d been given that morning…tears.
I cried. Every. Single. Day.
As much as I wanted to hear God, I didn’t believe I deserved it. The first couple weeks crying my way through scripture came with very self-imposed feelings of unworthiness, guilt and regret. It hit me like a bucket of ice water. Honestly, who was I to hear God?
I wasn’t always a good person. I’m still not. I don’t deserve to have God answer me.
All Children of God
Whether we think our human parents are perfect or not, God is the perfect parent. He always wants us near Him. Some of us choose not to be.
Like a stubborn adolescent we think we know better. We think we can control it all. We think we can handle it all on our own. But as my sister has told me, we aren’t meant to do it alone.
Hopefully you never feel the regret of having walked away from Him as I did. But if you have, be assured you are always welcomed back. Ask for forgiveness and it’s yours. His arms are open!
You, me and every soul on this planet is a child of God. He wants us close. So yes, I do deserve to hear Him. So do you.